Rebuilding Self-Trust

One of the most difficult parts of this process for me is that I’ve lost the ability to trust myself.

“I’ll just eat one more cookie” - becomes 10 cookies

“I won’t buy anything nonessential for at least 24 hours” - becomes a new sweater arriving in 5-7 business days.

“It’s okay to buy a bunch of different styles, because I will return what I don’t actually like” - becomes a box in the corner that I find well after the return window has ended.

But I’m trying.

Last week, I saw the most beautiful bag in a FB ad (I know….) and couldn’t stop thinking about it. I bought it, but while on the website, I found three other bags that I “just had to have.”

Two days ago, the box of bags arrived.

And while I loved the one I originally saw (even though it’s not exactly what I was picturing), the other three were definitely NOT winners.

And so yesterday, I went online and set up the return. I need to find the right sized box, but I have the label all set - which is often the big sticking point for me.

Self-trust. I promised myself I would return what I didn’t like, and I’ve actually started that process.

This morning, I told myself I could eat two cookies with my medication (get the taste out of my mouth). And that’s all I ate.

Self-trust.

I guess this is how change starts!